I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
