watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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