It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
