It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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