how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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