Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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