I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
