watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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