I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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