So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize