What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
