There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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