She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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