Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Randomize
