I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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