margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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