I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
