I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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