We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
