Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
