i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
