I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
