I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
