I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
