Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
