meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
