i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
