i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You took a bar mat shot.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
