I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
