When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Randomize
