I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
