I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
