made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
