So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So squirting runs in the family.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
