your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
