moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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