my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
