My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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