I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
They took my balls.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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