lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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