I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
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Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
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Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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