According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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