I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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