college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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