i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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