The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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