there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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