the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
