Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
