My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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