We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
