Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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