put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just threw up on my dentist
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I know her cup size but not her name....
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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