batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
