I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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