somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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