you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
