I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
