Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
