Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
