his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
