so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
