It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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