I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
