So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
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We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
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you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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