I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
How external is "for external use only"?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
