even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10