Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?

(313): View more from Michigan

Ya

(586): View more from Michigan

I used to kick so much ass

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(586): Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part? (313): Ya (586): I used to kick so much ass http://tfl.nu/d78f

Replies (2) Good night (1743) Bad night (748)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.

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(717): WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night. http://tfl.nu/710a

Replies (20) Good night (1268) Bad night (1683)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail

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(919): The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail http://tfl.nu/0pa7

Replies (30) Good night (947) Bad night (6955)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them

(718): View more from New York

pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed

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(203): there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them (718): pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed http://tfl.nu/7id4

Replies (31) Good night (11595) Bad night (1292)
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(303): View more from Colorado

And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.

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(303): And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first. http://tfl.nu/c9e0

Replies (11) Good night (878) Bad night (3498)
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(707): View more from California

I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.

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(707): I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/x6ut

Replies (26) Good night (1419) Bad night (4144)
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(406): View more from Montana

It was just a squirrel

(253): View more from Washington

You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar

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(406): It was just a squirrel (253): You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar http://tfl.nu/smls

Replies (12) Good night (5922) Bad night (1165)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?

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(502): I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that? http://tfl.nu/7r6j

Replies (14) Good night (1367) Bad night (1789)
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(913): View more from Kansas

I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off

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(913): I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off http://tfl.nu/aizm

Replies (5) Good night (726) Bad night (924)
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(318): View more from Louisiana

Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.

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(318): Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass. http://tfl.nu/dq3p

Replies (8) Good night (1379) Bad night (587)
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(818): View more from California

the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes

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(818): the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes http://tfl.nu/djiq

Replies (2) Good night (1151) Bad night (553)
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(248): View more from Michigan

The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.

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(248): The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager. http://tfl.nu/apbs

Replies (0) Good night (562) Bad night (656)
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(707): View more from California

According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.

(253): View more from Washington

You called the wrong number but I salute you.

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(707): According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground. (253): You called the wrong number but I salute you. http://tfl.nu/npd5

Replies (4) Good night (1521) Bad night (386)
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(631): View more from New York

And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.

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(631): And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too. http://tfl.nu/sz5u

Replies (2) Good night (170) Bad night (563)
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(804): View more from Virginia

I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature

(804): View more from Virginia

that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw

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(804): I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature (804): that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw http://tfl.nu/b92y

Replies (0) Good night (521) Bad night (108)

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