Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(630): View more from Illinois

Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.

Fav 22 2082 1020
share tweet
(520): View more from Arizona

i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.

Fav 6 2862 1093
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(417): View more from Missouri

when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.

Fav 5 4289 814
share tweet
(718): View more from New York

Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad

Fav 40 6135 1032
share tweet
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Read it at the TFLN blog
(717): View more from Pennsylvania

just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.

Fav 24 4643 1338
share tweet
(443): View more from Maryland

her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"

Fav 16 2447 7219
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(704): View more from North Carolina

He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.

Fav 6 1978 1448
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(425): View more from Washington

I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.

Fav 0 34 3
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(919): View more from North Carolina

I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself

Fav 0 34 9
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT