Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass