haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!