Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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