So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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