so explain again why im purple
no
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
