I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
