Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
