I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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