I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
