I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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