I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
