so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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