I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
