So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
