His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
