I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
